It’s 20 minutes into the flight. You come to the realization that the venti caramel macchiato you downed at the gate might not have been the greatest idea. You really need to take a leak. you notice that there’s already a huge line (queue, since I’m in London and all) and so you decide to wait a bit. Finally, that little sign with the man and woman chillin’ next to some kind of elevated martini glass that apparently doubles from a washbasin turns from red to green. You make a made dash to the lavatory. You push once. Oh. It’s locked. you look and see that the status reads “occupied.” So you..push even more aggressively? Yeah, that’s the trick. the person currently using the facilitie will stop “mid-business” so that you can ease your discomfort. Pressure them into submission!

This is basically what went down every 3.48 minutes on my flight from LAX to London. Like a true winner/luckiest person on earth/snob that wanted an aisle seat, I got to sit riiiiight next to the lavatory. So. Much. FUN.
Apparently old British people constantly need to empty their bladders. I don’t know what’s in the water over here, but it’s certainly got a kick.

I’m sorry sir/ma’am, but can you not read? Oh wait. you can. You even paused to exasperatedly mutter “ugh, occupied.” I understand that nature is calling and you can’t let it go to voicemail any longer, but give it a rest. 1 minute will do. I don’t think anyone really wants to spend more than 2 minutes in that space-age air dungeon anyways.

2. “R Whites” Lemonade
So I think “lemonade” in the UK actually refers to any lemon-lime flavored carbonated beverage. Cool. I can dig it.

3. Bizarre in-flight desserts
Dinner on the flight came in the form of something of a three-course meal: salad, “main course,” and dessert. We were promised chocolate pudding and hot chocolate. And then, come time for dessert, the unthinkable happen. I’M GIVEN BANANA PUDDING. WHAT. WHAT IS BANANA PUDDING? A monstrosity. That’s what. Anything banana flavored should be internationally outlawed. Add coconut and pineapple flavoring to that list as well.
Banana pudding. Pft.

I will never get used to this. I absolutely hate it. It’s rude. It’s intrusive. And it’s almost always old people and obnoxious little kids. I firmly believe that the whole engineering mechanism of reclining seats on airplanes is preposterous, because 1) It doesn’t even help with the discomfort anyway and 2) you’re basically putting your head in someone else’s lap/food/life. It’s just awkward. What if the person behind you needs to use the lavatory? Oop, wait sorry, you’re not gonna get a chance to do that, buddy. I need to be able to lean aaaaaaaaaaall the way back so I can watch Game of Thrones with fuzzy audio/video quality. Come on guys. Air-travel sucks enough as it is. Let’s be civil to each other.

Listen, Mr. 65G, there is no need for you to test your flash reaction skills the second the “fasten seatbelts” light goes off. You are at the very end of the plane. Like. The VERY end. It’s going to take you at least 15 minutes to get off the plane. Rush all you want, but you are still going to be stuck behind the little old lady in 23H who has 2 pieces of handbaggage + duty free items. Just sit back and relax, man. It’s going to be a while.

I guess this qualifies for my first real post about being the UK. Yay!

Cheers!

Yes, this adventure will FINALLY be getting underway! I’ll be spending 3 days in London for my “orientation,” which loosely translates to “roaming around town like a super tourist and forcibly becoming acclimated to sunlight deprivation.”

As long as someone gives me a spot o’ tea, I’m solid.